My Condolences: A Practical Guide and Examples

If you’re hesitating over what to say when someone dies, you’re not alone.

Below you’ll find:

A clear definition of “my condolences.”
A simple script you can use in any condolence message.
Copy-ready sympathy messages for different relationships, channels, and sensitive situations.
Follow-up and reply guidance.

Quick Answer: Is it correct to say “my condolences”?

Yes. “My condolences” is a correct, polite way to express sympathy after a death.

It’s slightly formal and fits texts, cards, emails, and in-person conversations, especially when you aren’t very close or want respectful distance.

Meaning and tone in modern usage

“My condolences” means “I offer you my sympathy.” The plural “condolences” reflects multiple sentiments of sympathy, similar to “regards.”

In modern English, it sounds courteous and steady—never flippant or dismissive. It pairs well with a short personal line, the person’s name, and a practical offer.

If you worry it feels stiff for close friends, choose warmer wording from the examples below.

When it fits vs when it sounds too formal

Use “my condolences” when:

You want respectful, neutral phrasing.
You’re writing a condolence email, obituary guestbook, or professional note.
You don’t know beliefs; you’re avoiding religious assumptions.

Avoid or soften it when:

You’re very close and would speak more personally.
A quick text needs warmth.
The person prefers casual language.

Try: “I’m so sorry about Alex. I loved his laugh. I’m here to listen anytime.”

How to Choose the Right Words: A Simple 3-Step Script

A calm, three-part micro-script works across texts, cards, and in-person moments. It reduces pressure and keeps your condolence message sincere.

Acknowledge the loss + use their loved one’s name

Name the loss and say the person’s name to validate their grief. Grief counselors and hospice educators note that hearing the name can comfort.

Example: “I was so sorry to hear about Maria.”

If you knew them, add a brief detail: “Her kindness meant a lot.”

Takeaway: Lead with the loss and the name to show you’re present and specific.

Say one sincere line (avoid clichés)

Keep it simple and true, and skip silver linings unless you share those beliefs.

Try: “This is so hard. I’m thinking of you.”

Research and clinical guidance caution against minimizing (“at least…”) or comparing to your losses.

Takeaway: One genuine sentence beats three generic ones.

Offer specific support or a gentle presence

Concrete help is easier to accept than vague offers.

For example: “I can drop dinner Wednesday,” or “I’m up late if you need to talk.”

If tasks aren’t possible, offer presence: “I’ll check in next week.”

Takeaway: Specific beats vague, and small, steady support matters.

Ready-to-Copy Messages by Relationship

Use these as-is or customize with a name or memory. Keep it short, sincere, and focused on them.

For a friend

I’m so sorry about [Name]. I’m here, no matter the hour.
I loved [Name]’s [trait]. Holding you close today.
This is so hard. I’m with you, and I’ll check in Friday.
My heart hurts for you. Can I bring dinner Wednesday?
I’m thinking of you and [Name]. I’m here to listen anytime.
I’ll take the kids Saturday if that helps—no need to reply.
I’m so sorry. A memory of [Name] that I love: [short memory].
There’s no right way to feel. I’m here for all of it.
Sending love today. Want me to handle groceries this week?

For a coworker or boss

My condolences on your loss. Please let us know how we can support.
We were saddened to hear about [Name]. Thinking of you and your family.
My condolences. I’ve noted deadlines; I’ll cover [task] this week.
Sending my sympathy to you and your family during this time.
Please accept my condolences. Take the time you need; we’ve got things here.
My deepest condolences. I’m available to help coordinate priorities.
I’m sorry for your loss. I’ll keep communication light until you return.
Our thoughts are with you. Let me know preferred updates cadence.

For a client or partner (from you/your team)

Our condolences on your loss. We’re keeping you and your family in our thoughts.
On behalf of our team, please accept our sincere condolences.
Our deepest condolences. We’ll pause non-urgent items and follow your lead.
We were saddened to learn of your loss. We’re here to support scheduling needs.
Please accept our condolences. We’ll coordinate with [contact] meanwhile.
Our team sends heartfelt sympathy during this difficult time.
With condolences from all of us—do let us know preferred communication.

For a spouse/partner, parent, sibling, or child

I’m so sorry about [Name]. I’m here for the long haul.
Your love for [Name] was beautiful. I’m with you in this.
There are no words. I’m here to sit with you anytime.
I’ll handle [specific task] this week so you can rest.
I miss [Name] with you. Let’s share stories when you’re ready.
I’m holding you and your family in my heart today.
I’ll check on you Monday. No need to respond.

Channel-Specific Scripts

Match the channel to your relationship, timing, and their bandwidth. Keep texts concise; expand slightly in cards or emails.

Text message (very short, direct, sincere)

I’m so sorry about [Name]. I’m here anytime.
Holding you in my thoughts today.
My condolences. Can I drop dinner Wednesday?
I loved [Name]’s [trait]. I’m here to listen.
No need to reply—just sending love and support.
I’m thinking of you. Want me to handle [task]?
This is so hard. I’m with you.

Email or card (slightly longer and personal)

I was deeply saddened to learn of [Name]’s passing. [One memory/trait]. Please accept my condolences. I’m available to help with [specific].
My condolences to you and your family. [Name]’s [quality] touched many. I’ll check in next week, and I’m happy to [task].
We were so sorry to hear about [Name]. Your family is in our thoughts. If it helps, I can [specific support] this month.

How to sign a condolence card:

With sympathy, [Your Name]
With heartfelt condolences, [Your Name]
Thinking of you, [Your Name]

In-person or phone (conversation starters)

I’m so sorry to hear about [Name].
I don’t have the right words, but I’m here with you.
I loved [Name]’s [trait]. How are you today?
Would it help if I [specific task] this week?
I can just sit with you if you’d like.

Cultural and Religious Sensitivity (with Secular Options)

If you’re unsure of beliefs, avoid assumptions and choose neutral or secular wording.

When you know the tradition, the following phrases are respectful.

Jewish: “May their memory be a blessing” and alternatives

May [Name]’s memory be a blessing.
Baruch Dayan HaEmet (Blessed is the True Judge).
Wishing you comfort among the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.
Thinking of you and honoring [Name]’s memory.
Sending love and strength during shiva.

Muslim: “Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji’un” explained

Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji’un (We belong to God and to Him we return).
May Allah grant [Name] Jannah and your family patience.
My condolences. May God give you strength (Sabr).
We are praying for [Name] and for your peace.

Christian and interfaith phrases

I’m praying for you and your family.
May God’s comfort surround you.
Holding you in prayer and loving memory of [Name].
Peace be with you in this time of loss.
With deepest sympathy and prayers.

Secular, non-religious options

I’m so sorry for your loss.
I’m thinking of you and remembering [Name].
Sending you love and steady support.
Your grief matters. I’m here when you need.
Holding you in my thoughts today.

Sensitive Situations: What to Say Carefully

Use gentle, non-judgmental language. Avoid assigning blame, offering fixes, or minimizing grief.

Miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant loss

I’m so sorry. Your baby’s life matters and is loved.
There’s no right timeline for grief. I’m here for you.
I’m holding you and your baby in my heart.
If helpful, I can coordinate meals this week.
I’m here to listen to your baby’s story anytime.

Loss by suicide or overdose

I’m so sorry about [Name]. Your love for them is clear.
This is not your fault. I’m here without judgment.
I’m holding you in this unimaginable grief.
May I help with calls or errands this week?
I’m here to remember [Name] with you.

Loss of a child

There are no words. I’m here for you, every step.
I carry [Name]’s memory with you.
I can handle [specific task] this week—no reply needed.
I’m here to sit, listen, or be quiet with you.
Your grief is honored here, always.

Pet loss

I’m so sorry about [Pet’s Name]. They were family.
[Pet’s Name] brought so much joy. I’m thinking of you.
I’m here if you want to share memories or photos.
Would it help if I walked [other pet] this week?
Sending love as you grieve your companion.

Workplace & Professional Etiquette

In professional settings, be compassionate and concise, avoid prying, and offer practical coverage.

From a manager to an employee

My condolences on your loss. Please take the time you need. We’ll cover [tasks]; HR can support leave logistics.
I’m sorry for your loss. I’ll be your point of contact to reduce messages; respond only when ready.
We value you—your wellbeing comes first. Let me know preferred check-in timing next week.

From a team or company (using “our condolences”)

On behalf of [Team/Company], our condolences to you and your family. We’ll pause non-urgent items and follow your lead.
Our team sends heartfelt sympathy. We’ll coordinate with [contact] until you return.
With condolences from all of us at [Company]. We’re here to support in any way appropriate.

For clients, vendors, and public statements

Our condolences to the [Family/Organization]. We honor [Name]’s contributions and extend support to loved ones.
We were saddened to learn of [Name]’s passing. Out of respect, we’re adjusting communications this week.
For public statements, keep it brief, respectful, and reviewed by communications/legal.

Grammar and Usage FAQs About “My Condolences”

Is it “my condolence” or “my condolences”?

Use the plural: “my condolences.” In English, “condolences” is conventionally plural like “best wishes.”

The singular “condolence” is rare in modern usage. Choose the plural for cards, texts, and emails.

“My condolences” vs “our condolences”

Use “my condolences” when speaking for yourself. Use “our condolences” when writing on behalf of a couple, family, team, or company.

When in doubt, don’t assume you speak for others.

“Please accept my condolences”: too formal?

It’s appropriate in professional notes, obituaries, and formal cards.

For friends, soften to: “I’m so sorry about [Name]. I’m here for you,” or “Sending love and support.”

Follow-Up Timeline: What to Say After the First Message

Grief lasts beyond the first week. Short, steady check-ins help more than perfect words.

Day 1–3, Week 2, Month 1, and the first anniversary

Day 1–3: I’m so sorry. I’ll drop dinner Wednesday; no reply needed.
Week 2: Thinking of you as things quiet down. Can I run errands Saturday?
Month 1: You’re on my mind today. Coffee or a walk this week?
First anniversary: Holding [Name]’s memory with you today. I’m here if you want to talk.

Practical support offers that help

Meal drop-offs or a specific date for dinner.
Rides for kids, school pickups, or weekend childcare.
Grocery run, yard work, or pet care.
Handling a bill, appointment, or paperwork task.
Company at appointments or memorial planning support.

How to Reply to Condolences

If you’re grieving, brief replies are enough. People don’t expect long responses.

Short replies (in person, text, or social)

Thank you for thinking of us.
I appreciate your support right now.
Your message means a lot. Thank you.
Thanks for remembering [Name].
Thank you. I’ll reach out when I can.

Card/email acknowledgments

Thank you for your kind condolences and support in memory of [Name]. Your thoughtfulness brings comfort.
We appreciate your sympathy and the stories you shared about [Name]. Thank you for honoring their life.

Alternatives to “My Condolences” (by Tone and Length)

Choose wording that matches your relationship and channel. Short and sincere is best.

Very short (texts/DMs)

I’m so sorry for your loss.
Holding you in my thoughts today.
Sending love and strength.
I’m here if you need anything.
Thinking of you and [Name].

Warm and personal (cards/emails)

I’m so sorry about [Name]. Their [quality] touched many lives. I’m here for you.
I’ll always remember [Name]’s [memory]. Please know you’re not alone.
Your grief matters. I’m here to listen, help, and remember together.

Formal/professional

Please accept my sincere condolences.
My deepest condolences to you and your family.
Our heartfelt condolences during this difficult time.

For ESL Readers: Simple, Natural Phrases and Translations

Choose short, clear English. Avoid long formal phrases unless writing professionally.

Plain-English options that sound natural

I’m so sorry about [Name].
I’m thinking of you today.
I’m here if you need to talk.
Please tell me how I can help.
I’ll check in next week.

Speak slowly; it’s okay to pause. A simple sentence is kind and correct.

Spanish and French equivalents (with usage notes)

Spanish: Mis condolencias.
Spanish: Lo siento mucho por tu pérdida.
Spanish (formal): Por favor, acepta mis condolencias.
French: Mes condoléances.
French: Toutes mes condoléances.
French: Je suis désolé(e) pour ta perte.

Notes: “Mis condolencias” and “toutes mes condoléances” are formal. For close friends, the softer lines feel more natural.

Common Mistakes to Avoid

Avoiding clichés and comparisons

Avoid “They’re in a better place” or “Everything happens for a reason.”
Skip comparisons like “I know exactly how you feel.”
Don’t minimize: avoid “At least they lived a long life.”

Why: Grief experts warn these can feel dismissive or invalidating.

Not making it about you

Don’t pivot to your losses unless asked.
Keep the focus on their person and their experience.
Offer help without creating obligations.

Sources and Expert Input

This guide synthesizes recommendations from grief-informed organizations and clinicians, including:

Hospice Foundation of America: emphasizes naming the deceased and avoiding minimizing language.
American Psychological Association: notes that social support and practical help aid coping.
The Dougy Center and bereavement counselors: encourage specific offers and ongoing check-ins.
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention and Samaritans: advise non-stigmatizing language in suicide loss.
March of Dimes: guidance for compassionate language after miscarriage and infant loss.

Editorial approach: practical scripts, plain language, and culturally respectful options. This content is educational and not a substitute for clinical care.

FAQs

Is it grammatically correct to say “my condolences,” and why plural?
Yes. “Condolences” is conventionally plural, like “best wishes,” expressing a set of sympathies.
When should I choose “my condolences” vs “sorry for your loss”?
Use “my condolences” for a neutral or professional tone; “sorry for your loss” feels warmer for friends and texts.
What’s the best way to phrase condolences over text vs a handwritten card?
Text: one line plus a specific offer. Card: add a memory, a sincere line, and a short sign-off.
How do I sign a condolence note from a team or company?
Use “Our condolences” and sign with the team or company name: “On behalf of [Team], our condolences, [Names/Company].”
What should I say after a miscarriage or stillbirth?
Acknowledge the baby and parents’ grief: “Your baby’s life matters. I’m here. Can I help with [task]?”
How do I offer practical help without sounding pushy?
Offer one concrete option and an out: “I can bring dinner Thursday. If not, I’ll try next week.”
What are respectful alternatives when I don’t know beliefs?
Use secular language: “I’m so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you and remembering [Name].”
How should managers or HR express condolences?
Be concise and supportive, set coverage, and reduce messages: “Take the time you need; we’ll handle [tasks].”
What’s an appropriate follow-up timeline?
Day 1–3, Week 2, Month 1, and the first anniversary—short check-ins and specific support offers.
How can I respond briefly when people send me condolences?
“Thank you for thinking of us,” or “Your message means a lot,” is enough.
Are there cultural phrases better than “my condolences”?
Yes. Jewish: “May their memory be a blessing.” Muslim: “Inna lillahi…” Christian: “I’m praying for you.”
Is “Please accept my condolences” too formal for a friend?
Often. Try: “I’m so sorry about [Name]. I’m here for you, anytime.”